Christmas morning my ex showed up at mine. It was 3AM. He woke me by throwing stones at my bedroom window.
He came in, we talked. He said he’d made a mistake. We decided to try again. I was so pleased to see him, and so happy he had come over. But still, something felt wrong.
For the next few days I hardly saw him. The odd phone call, or quick visit while he was passing. Maybe it was me expecting too much, but I thought after realising he wanted me in his life he would be making an effort to spend time with me, or make me feel special.
But no. Not at all.
He took me out last night for a meal, but was exhausted and yawned throughout it. In total, we were only together for 2 hours.
Then today, he phoned me while I was at work to ask if he could borrow £400 until Saturday. I told him I don’t have it. He knows I have cash though as I told him I was paying it in today. So I lied and told him I had to pay it into my bank because my rent goes out tomorrow. It’s not due until the 12th.
He said it was urgent, somebody was waiting for it. And he said he would tell me what it was for later. It’s now almost 10PM and I’ve not heard from him.
I feel awful for lying. But he’s a self-confessed gambling addict. What if he didn’t stop a month ago like he said. He gets paid on Saturday so I’m reasonably confident I would have got it back but I just can’t risk it. I barely get through the month anyway. And if he IS still gambling I don’t want to support him in it.
I suppose it’s a matter of trust. And it would appear I don’t trust him. So why are we back together?
Whatever felt wrong on Christmas Day feels worse now. I’m uneasy, and that’s not right.
Am I alone in thinking he only showed up so he can use me? I have a tendency to be too suspicious of people’s intentions but in this case is it justified?
Slightly bad timing too: I’d decided, due to a combination of factors, can’t get to the doc, feeling fairly good, and sick of taking them, that I was going to come off anti-depressants. I want to be just me for a while and see how I am. I take my last one on Friday. I really hope I don’t regret this decision.
1. it would be a really bad idea to hand this guy cash. Trust your instinct.
2. you need to do whatever it takes to stay ON the antidepressants. Feeling “fairly good” is not good reason to come off them. You feel “fairly good” BECAUSE you are on them. Any weaning off should be in conjunction with a medical professional’s help. Otherwise, you risk a more dangerous low than before you ever got on them.
Yes, I completely agree about trusting him. He’s gambling again and making it worse by lying about it. I haven’t heard from him for a week; he hasn’t even got the decency to apologise for being a jerk.
He did me a favour though…..I don’t miss him any more.
And yes again. You are right and I was wrong. I don’t know WHAT I was thinking. I’m now an emotional mess and I can’t see a doctor until 24th January at the earliest.
What a fool.
Not ‘A fool’
Look what you’ve done.
-Not given in to his request
-Not been used
-Not handed over money that would have left you struggling
-You have booked time to see you GP
-You’ve done what you need to do to protect yourself and move forward
Thats a lot of good decisions. A fool wouldn’t have made those decisions
I’m so good at dwelling on the bad things. Thank you so much for that. It helped a lot.
I really should cut myself a little slack.
Don’t beat yourself up! It’s actually a common error people make in situations like yours. I’ve just seen people close to me suffer terribly because of it, so it terrifies me when people say they are going to stop their meds because they feel better. The important thing is that you’re getting back on track.
I don’t know how your medicare system works but is there any way you can see a physician at a walk-in clinic or an emergency room in order to renew your prescription before the 24th?
I’ve just posted about this. I’m going to try to get back on them as soon as I can. I’m experiencing so many horrible withdrawal symptoms. I just want to feel ok again.